Neither Perished Nor Preserved: My Eternal Essence
ना फ़ना मेरी न बका मेरी
Dear Friend,
You asked me some time ago about improving and deepening the quality of gratitude in your life. I’m sorry I did not respond sooner — I find forgetfulness increases with age.
Gratitude (कृतज्ञता) is a quality that distinguishes a human from other animals, though some domesticated animals can show gratitude to their masters. Dada ji Pandurang Shashtri used to say that to be a “मानव” one must be कृतज्ञ.
Gratitude can be directed to the Creator or the God one believes in. Even an atheist will usually acknowledge some external energy or reality responsible for existence; that too can be a focus of gratefulness. Beyond that there is gratitude to parents, family, society, friends, nation and to the world — in short, to everyone who contributes to our being.
How do we recognize that someone is grateful? By their thoughts, speech and actions — मनसा, वाचा, कर्मणा. And how do I know that I am grateful? Largely by the absence of excessive ego (अहंकार).
At the same time, a certain healthy ego is necessary to survive in a world that can be harsh; without any self-regard one risks being trampled and achieving nothing. So the aim should be to act beyond the self — not only for “me,” but for others as well.
Selflessness guided by a higher purpose is central to gratitude. A person who is selfless and oriented toward a larger purpose is, in effect, a truly grateful person.
On a lighter note, let me end with a quote from a ghazal by Shakeel Badayuni.
When I first heard it — in a YouTube recording by a famous qawwali singer from Pakistan — I was very impressed. I listened several times and noted down the words.
Today, while writing to you, I remembered those in my notes and am sharing them.
ना फ़ना मेरी ,ना बका मेरी
मुझे ए शक़ील ना ढूंढिए
मैं किसी का हुस्न-ए-खयाल हूं
मेरा कुछ वजूद-ओ-अदम नहीं।
— शकील बदायूँनी
मेरी ज़िन्दगी पे न मुस्करा मुझे ज़िन्दगी का अलम नहीं
जिसे तेरे ग़म से हो वास्ता वो ख़िज़ाँ बहार से कम नहीं
मेरा कुफ़्र हासिल-ए-ज़ूद है मेरा ज़ूद हासिल-ए-कुफ़्र है
मेरी बन्दगी वो है बन्दगी जो रहीन-ए-दैर-ओ-हरम नहीं
मुझे रास आये ख़ुदा करे यही इश्तिबाह की साअतें
उन्हें ऐतबार-ए-वफ़ा तो है मुझे ऐतबार-ए-सितम नहीं
वही कारवाँ वही रास्ते वही ज़िन्दगी वही मरहले
मगर अपने-अपने मुक़ाम पर कभी तुम नहीं कभी हम नहीं
न वो शान-ए-जब्र-ए-शबाब है न वो रंग-ए-क़हर-ए-इताब है
दिल-ए-बेक़रार पे इन दिनों है सितम यही कि सितम नहीं
न फ़ना मेरी न बक़ा मेरी मुझे ऐ ‘शकील’ न ढूँढिए
मैं किसी का हुस्न-ए-ख़्याल हूँ मेरा कुछ वुजूद-ओ-अदम नहीं
I take फना to mean that which is destroyed (annihilation) and बक़ा to mean that which survives. हुस्न-ए-खयाल suggests the beauty of a thought or imagination, and वजूद-ओ-अदम refers to being and non-being (होना या न होना). Very powerful thought indeed.
The singer began by reciting the last two lines of the above ghazal by Shakeel Badayuni. Then he sang the following full song. The singer attributed it to Sant Kabir, though I am not certain of the source. The deeper meaning, however, resonates with Kabir’s teachings as well as Sufi and Vedantic thought:
Neither ruin is mine, nor forever.
Do not look for me, Shakeel.
I am only a beauty in someone’s thought—
neither here, nor gone.
Same life, same stages,
same caravan, same road—
yet at our own stops
sometimes you are gone,
sometimes I am.
What ruin? What forever?
Once you belong to the Friend,
you sit in that house a while,
then in this.
I will not come, I will not go
I will neither die nor live.
I will drink the nectar of the Lord
from the cup of the Guru’s Word.
Some worship in small shrines,
some worship idols.
Look, O Baba — thieves loot them all.
Some turn the rosary,
some turn the prayer beads.
Look, O Baba — both are the same picture.
Some go to Mecca,
some go to Kashi.
Look, O Baba — that too is a noose around the neck.
Kabir says, listen O people:
I belong to no one,
no one belongs to me.
When I die, let no one weep.
I am neither annihilation nor eternity.
Do not search for me.
I am only a beautiful thought in someone’s mind;
I have neither existence nor non-existence.
The same life, the same stages,
the same caravan, the same roads.
But at our own stations
sometimes you are not there, sometimes I am not there.
What is birth, what is death?
Freedom is to be free of both.
ना फ़ना मेरी ,ना बका मेरी
मुझे ए शक़ील ना ढूंढिए
मैं किसी का हुस्न-ए-खयाल हूं
मेरा कुछ वजूद-ओ-अदम नहीं।
— शकील बदायूँनी
वही ज़िंदगी वही मरहले
वही कारवाँ वही रास्ते
मगर अपने अपने मक़ाम पर
कभी तुम नहीं कभी हम नहीं
फ़ना कैसी बका कैसी जब उसके आशना ठहरे
कभी उस घर में आ बैठे कभी इस घर में आ बैठे!
आऊँगा ना जाऊँगा
ना मरूँगा ना जीऊँगा
गुरु के शब्द प्याला
हरि रस पीऊँगा
कोई पूजे मढ़ियाँ, कोई पूजे गौरा
देखो रे बाबा, ये लूट ली हैं चोरा
कोई फेरे माला, कोई फेरे तसबीह
देखो रे बाबा, ये दोनों हैं तस्वीर
कोई जावे मक्के, कोई जावे काशी
देखो रे बाबा, तोहा गल फाँसी
कहत कबीर सुनो मोरी लोई
हम ना किसी के, हमारा ना कोई
हम जो मरेंगे, तो रोये ना कोई
न फ़ना मेरी, न बक़ा मेरी
मुझे ऐ शकील न ढूँढिए
मैं किसी का हुस्न-ए-ख़याल हूँ
मेरा कुछ वजूद-ओ-अदम नहीं
वही ज़िंदगी, वही मंज़िलें
वही कारवाँ, वही रास्ते
मगर अपने-अपने मक़ाम पर
कभी तुम नहीं, कभी हम नहीं
फ़ना कैसी, बक़ा कैसी
जब उसके आशना ठहरे
कभी उस घर में आ बैठे
कभी इस घर में आ बैठे
मौत क्या आकर फ़कीरों से तुझे लेना हैमरने से पहले तो ये लोग मरा करते हैं
जन्मना क्या ज्ञान है, मरना क्या है ज्ञान इन दोनों से छूटना, जो मुक्ति इसको जान
The verses speak of impermanence, non-attachment, the unity beyond apparent differences, and the guru’s guiding words — themes that echo across mystical and philosophical traditions.
Wishing you and all yours the very best,
Shailendra
PS: I found YouTube of recital by Maulvi Haider Hassan that I mentioned in the blog. A link is given below.
I recently came across a video clip of Javed Akhtar wherein he not only describes the concept of creator and creation as conceptualized in the Semitic religions and Vedanta but also beautifully describes vedantic philosophy through a couplet by Ghalib.
था कुछ तो ख़ुदा था
कुछ न होता तो ख़ुदा होता
डुबोया मुझ को होने ने
न होता मैं तो क्या होता
~ मिर्ज़ा ग़ालिब
There is a very interesting blog where in Dadaji Pandurang Shashtri and Maulana Wahiduddin discuss the theological differences of concept of God in Islamic and Hindu Traditions. It is available at this link.